My Bags Are Packed, I'm Ready To Go

I am not ready to go. Not even a little bit.

So yesterday I was fucking around on Facebook and I have this friend request from someone who has absolutely no cause to try and friend me. We were best friends for a while when I was eight or so; she stole my Puppy In My Pocket toys. Then the group of girls she started running round with in secondary school beat me up once for being a "hippy", and basically caused me a great deal of misery in my teenage years and even today, I see them and I feel fear.

There is no way in hell I would ever accept a friend request. Why would I want any kind of contact with you? You still look like a skank, you dropped out of school and can't even construct a simple sentence.."loves her friends so much use no who u r" "ring me wen ya cn i msd al ur fekn cals" wow. And I looked at pictures of her and her friends and thought OH NO! I HAVE TO GO BACK TO A TOWN AND A COUNTRY FULL OF WANKERS LIKE THESE!

They are unspeakably ugly, they have thug like faces because they are thugs. They wear baseball caps and golden earrings and strange fluorescent sports clothing. They hang out in their grotty council estate homes and drink buckfast. Sometimes they take themselves into the streets or to the bars and cause everyone else misery. This is what my town is like. This is what my country is like. Full of idiotic wankers.

I met the Northern Irish student who was on the same program as me two years ago. He had come back for a visit. I went over to say hello to him. He asked me whereabouts in Northern Ireland I was from. I said, Bangor. He turned himself sidewards to me and chuckled, let out a deep breath slowly, then chuckled more. I asked him where he was from and he laughed again, "Just outside Newry, love." I said that didn't matter and shouldn't stop us being friends, I introduced my best friend Daniel, who is a FIJI and he just laughed again. "FIJI..ha!" and turned his back. This is why I hate Northern Ireland. He presumed straight off that I am Protestant because of where I live, and following that assumption decided not to speak to me.

Daniel was shocked. I have obviously spoken to him about some Northern Irish things before but he couldn't believe things could be that bad. He said he had never seen such animosity before. I told him that's why I wanted to stay here.

America has great flaws. Great flaws but there are so many places where people live freely, where people can be who they want and mix with all sorts of different people who are also living how they want. This campus is one of those pockets in Indiana. This is a very gay campus. Same sex hook-ups happen all the time. Even I have gone for it a few times. There are gay couples holding hands around campus. We have an annual drag show of quality student performances. There are transgender students, openly transgender, totally accepted by the community and totally open about their experiences. The PRIDE organisation participates in campus activities on the same level as the Greeks. I love this freedom. Indiana isn't like this, Evansville isn't like this. But this little community is.

People at home do not accept anything that deviates from the traditional yob-like figure that has come to represent us as a nation and a mentality. We hate the Other Side. Whatever the Other Side may be, we hate it. We hate it, we abuse it in the streets, we throw things at it, we spit on it, we set fire to it, we bomb and shoot and kill. The Protestants or Catholics on the Other Side of the Peace Lines, the English or the Irish on the Other Side of the Borders. The Police on the Other Side of Justice. The Government on the Other Side of Stability. The people of Different Colours and Languages and Religions from the Other Side of the World. People who Hold Down Jobs, who Have Enough Pride and Self-Respect To Work For The Things They Want on the Other Side of the Poverty Line. People who are Educated on the Other Side of the Social Hierarchy.

This hatred makes them blind, makes them lash out and hurt. The Other Side fears the Other Side. At home I often feel fear and I didn't realise until I came here. The way I grew up wasn't right, and no-one here can possibly understand that, I didn't even understand it until I got away from it. I haven't been able to put my finger on quite why this place feels different and why this place feels good but I have just this minute come to understand. It's The Absence of Fear.

I love you, America.